The Chatroom
by Scarlett Wilde
Summary: 2007 Crack. The guys of TF&TF find a chatroom and get hooked on the antics of the other chatters.


Fandom: TF&TF

Fandom: TF&TF  
Pairing: none as such  
Rating: NC-17  
Disclaimer: don't own shit, or any of TF&TF  
Summary: guys are useless sometimes  
Archive: please ask first  
Feedback: as always, yes please, but nits and shreds by PM only thanks  
Written: 2007

_All names have been changed to protect the Not-So-Innocent and if anyone was ever in any doubt what goes in chat, now you know…you have been warned…this is not for the faint of heart or easily shocked. This was just a little bit of silly fun, it's not meant to be taken seriously!_

**WARNING** _the links contain adult material. Please __**DO NOT**____open them around young children. If you faint, and you are over 18, that's your own fault_

Dom got out the shower and dressed quickly, his belly rumbled like his throat had been cut. He threw Mia's leftovers on a plate and slammed it in the microwave with all the finesse he could muster. He found Vince and Leon in the sitting room and wondered what the hell they were talking about.

"Nah, man. You have to plug it into the phone line before you can get on the net." Leon patiently explained.

"Net?" Vince raised his eyebrows.

"Internet, loser," Leon grinned as Vince smacked him on the shoulder. "Just try and stay with me, it'll be worth it, I promise ya."

"What you pair up to?" Dom walked in with his plate of steaming leftovers and muscled his way in between them as they sat at the table.

"Chatroom," Leon said.

"Chatroom?" Dom raised his eyebrows. "What're you going in a chatroom for?"

"Well, as I was telling this dinosaur here," Leon squinted at Vince. "That a cool place to meet women was in these chatroom's…so he wanted to see for himself."

Dom shoveled hot food in his mouth and gulped cold coke down, wincing at the contrast. "You know, you could try hitting these strange things called clubs or bars occasionally. I heard women sometimes hang out there too…and it gets better…you can actually touch them too!"

"Smart ass!" Leon got the phone cable adjusted and the screen flickered and came to life. "As I was explaining to V, these women in the chatroom my sister goes in are completely no holds barred. They talk about everything. It'll make your toes curl, dawg!"

"So, what's taking so long?" Vince muttered, desperate to hear what women really thought about men and their ability to perform cunnilingus.

"Some dumbass keeps interrupting me,' Leon moved the cursor over an icon marked 'mIRC' and another page came up.

"Before we go any further," Dom finished his plate off and shoved it across the table. 'What kinda chatroom are we going into?"

"It's my sis's favorite. That dumb actor, Tim Weasel?? Something like that…man, these women are the biz, they talk about everything, and I mean everything…even anal sex."

"Fuck me!" Vince exclaimed. "You're kidding, right?"

"Nah, you just wait," Leon clicked the link and a picture came up with a list of names. "We're 'Angie'. It's my sister's name. If we sit quiet, we can eavesdrop and see what they say. Sis sometimes disappears from time to time so it's not unusual"

They all crowded around the small laptop, eager to see what the horny women chatted about.

Angie joins mIRC chat

MissWhiplash: Oh yeah, I made his toes curl all right. Poor guy, he may need the rest of the weekend to recover.

VampGirl: lol

MissWhiplash: Hey Angie, how are you tonight?

SmutQueen: Hey babe smooches

VampGirl: Hi Angie

Angie: hey all. Might keep going quiet tonight. Family here.

SmutQueen: s'ok sweetie, just chat when ya can

VampGirl: so what exactly did you do that made his toes curl?

MissWhiplash: well, you know how we were talking about that book that Rach got with all the sex tips?

VampGirl: yeah, like it did her any good LOL

SmutQueen: oh thanks! Well, it was for research anyway…for my fics LMAO that's my story and I'm sticking with it!!

MissWhiplash: yeah yeah yeah…you forget we all know what a pervert you are

SmutQueen: Me? Pervert? Nah, never…ok, back to the toe curling? Details? :b

hockeychick sits quietly doing homework

VampGirl: so, toe-curling details?

Fry joins mIRC chat

Fry: hey hey hey

SmutQueen: hey babe, missed ya, where you been?

Fry: real life got me, but I'm back now

VampGirl: Hi Fry

MissWhiplash: Hey Fry babe smooches

Vince wasn't impressed by the chat so far, "dude, you said they talk about sex and shit! This is boring, like a mother's union meeting. Urgh!!"

Even Dom looked bored, "I'll give it a few more minutes, then I'm gonna hit the sack."

"Trust me, it's usually wilder than this. The other night they were discussing…" He was cut off by a change in direction of the chat.

Fry: hey guys check this out: /gallery/aa1?page9

Fry: rach said she liked a good handful

SmutQueen: now that's what I'm talking about. But why do all the gay guys get the big dicks?

Vince fell backwards off the chair and Leon closed one eye so he wouldn't get a full eyeful. Dom laughed and helped Vince up off the floor, "well, you wanted it to get more interesting…don't moan now."

"Yeah, but dicks…and gay dicks at that! Dude, these girls rock!" Vince chuckled.

Fry: it could be compensation

SmutQueen: I wish I were a gay man sometimes LOLOLOL

Dom snickered at the thought of a woman wishing she were a gay man just to get a decent sized dick…hell he could show her his, _that_ would leave her in no doubt that straight men had indeed got the better dicks.

MissWhiplash: Rach's gone quiet, guess she's checking out the dicks

SmutQueen: damn right I am. Some of those guys are ripped…I need a man with a big dick and a body like that

Fry: don't we all

"Hey Dom, you're ripped and Letty always used to say you were hung like a horse," Leon sputtered in between gulps of laughter.

Dom smacked Leon upside the head, but his interest was peaked with that last comment. He was wondering what a SmutQueen was.

"I'm ripped and hung like a horse too," Vince grumbed.

"Yeah, but you dawg, are definitely a 'light's off' man – one look at your ugly grill will have them running into my arms," Leon pushed at Vince, who retaliated with another slap to Leon's head.

VampGirl: well, I still want to know about J's toe curling

SmutQueen: ooh yes…come on, share

MissWhiplash: ok, well you know hubby keeps hassling me about anal sex? Well, I told him, he could do me, if I could do him with a superb strap-on I saw on this website

SmutQueen roars with laughter

VampGirl has eyes wide open

Fry closes eyes tight and refuses to look

MissWhiplash: /pages/sextoysstrapons.html

SmutQueen: Oh lordy, there's a really nice circumcised dick on Fry's site…and the body isn't bad either .

VampGirl: oh those are nice J lol

Fry: still no luck finding a good cut dick then babe?

SmutQueen: no, sadly, I mix in the wrong circles I guess

SmutQueen: Angie are you still there? You are very quiet even for you…

The guys all looked at each other, and Leon typed in:

Angie: I guess I am just really busy tonight. I should log off and come back when I have time to talk.

Leon logged off and the screen went blank. They guys just sat staring for a few minutes…at the blank screen…at each other…anywhere…

"So, anyone up for a night down the bar?" Vince asked. "I'm as horny as hell with an itch to scratch."

"Dude, you are always horny…" Leon chuckled. "K. You get the car. You coming Dom?"

Dom looked from Vince to Leon and back again, "nah, you go. I'm gonna hit the sack." He wasn't about to tell them he wanted to go back into the chatroom…there was much to learn and he was a willing student.

"See ya dawg," they both said, the door slamming behind them.

Dom didn't hear, the lure of mIRC pulled him back.

The End


End file.
